Sorting It Out: The Pros and Tons

Hey guys...we just returned from a long day in Chi-Town. I went to see Dr. Panje at Rush Presbyterian today. Basically, he agrees with Goshen that radiation is my best course of action. He said that there are some surgeons who would probably be willing to operate; however, the negative effects the surgery would have would probably not be worth it (for example, I would be totally deaf in my right ear, the right side of my face would be paralyzed, etc). Dr. Panje also gave us some good news: He has a great deal of experience treating this cancer, and he feels confident that it probably has not metastasized (spread to other systems in my body like my lungs, liver, or bones).

While I was in Chicago, the team of oncologists at Goshen were also meeting to discuss my case. They brought up proton radiation. Ironically, that is exactly what Dr. Panje recommended. The difference between proton radiation and traditional radiation is that proton radiation does not emit energy until it reaches the tumor site, at which time all the energy is delivered to the tumor to kill the cells. In traditional radiation, more energy is wasted in getting it to the cell. Proton radiation is definitely superior, but there are only 3 sites in the United States that are adminstering it. Dr. Panje planned to send me to California, but Goshen told us there is a site in Bloomington, Indiana. Either way I will be gone for 6 weeks, but at least I can come home on weekends if I go to Bloomington.

One thing I prayed about before going was that I would feel that there is a clear right answer about what I should do. I believe that prayer was definitely answered. Proton radiation is my best hope. Dr. Panje really believes it should stop the cancer and possibly even shrink it to the point that surgery is a viable option. Another great piece of news is that he expects that I will feel some major relief in symptoms within one week of starting radation (less pressure in my head, fewer headaches, less ear pain, etc.) Over the weekend we found out that the tumor is encasing my carotid artery. That is scary because your carotids are responsbile for blood flow to your brain. For now, my body is probably re-routing my blood to my other carotid; however, it puts me in a dangerous position. This is another major area for prayer. Pray that the radiation shrinks the tumor in such a way that my right carotid can begin functioning normally again (there is also a similar problem in my jugular vein).

If you know anything about my life right now, you probably know that leaving here is going to tear me apart. I don't want to be away from my friends or family -- especially Corlissa. This is another obvious prayer request. I am going to have to move quickly to develop a plan so that she will be taken care of, bills will get paid, etc. Many people have offered to take her in, but she really wants to be at home. The best case scenario is that I find someone I trust who is willing to stay here with her. I would like her life to continue as normally as possible during this time. Thanks again to all of you who have offered to help with so many of these worries. I cannot thank you all enough.

Okay... now for the best news. My friend Lori who went with me to Chicago insisted that I incorporate retail therapy into my course of treatment. The day definitely ended on a positive note for me (and for 3 lucky sales associates at Nordstrom). Fortunately, my co-worker and friend Colleen reminded me of a personal mantra I have posted on my desk in the Language Arts Office (bequeathed to me by Jane Poe, American Lit. teacher extraordinaire, upon her retirement): New Shoes Are the Answer..........Who Cares What the Question Is!