Resigned

This is Ashli's mom, Perri, reporting from California. I know that it comforts us to picture Ashli not really on a vacation, but in a cheerier picture than life as she experiences it here. If she had much energy or interest in eating, there are things here she could enjoy, but at this point I think that she is just surviving the monotony of the endless treks to the hospital for treatments. The area where she is living is "nice", but I agree that green mountains would be more attractive. The drive to the hospital mostly consists of smog coated road signs, a lot of traffic moving quickly, or crawling, and a lovely landfill beside a railroad yard that goes on for quite a distance. I have the feeling that she has hit a wall. It is like a marathoner (not that I have had any personal experience with that) who has hit the spot where all he is doing is continuing to put one foot in front of the other. The end may be getting closer, but it is out around the bend and the finish line is not in sight. He's not sure if he can continue to run for the entire race, but he numbly continues on. Or it is like a pregnant woman who knows intellectually that there is a baby in there, and that the discomfort and pain will come to an end, but it feels as if it will last forever and maybe the doctors have made a mistake and a watermelon seed taken root in there, and there really is no baby for all of this trouble. Ashli only has one wish; and that is for all of this to be over, and for her to be able to come home. These are the most important things for you to pray for her:
1. That the machine giving her treatments does not go down and cause her any more delay.
2. Most importantly that time passes as quickly as possible for her. The end is in sight for us, but not for her.
3. She is able to eat enough to get some nutrition and that the nausea goes away.
4. She feels God giving her the strength that she alone does not posess.
5. The treatment are a total success with the most minimal damage.
Ashli is resigned to being out of control; unable to go where she wants, do what she wants to do, and feel the way she would like to feel. However, Ashli has not resigned from the battle and has plans for her future. Intellectually, she knows that she will come through this with a new appreciation for home, family, friendship and God's grace. I am resigned to getting on that plan tomorrow without her. It goes against all of my motherly instincts. I want to pack her up in my suitcase (and she just might fit in there) and take her on my plane home to where she wants to go. However, that is not for her best, and who knows what havok we would cause with her radioactivity setting off all of the security alerts at LAX!