P.S.

Q: What one personal belonging could I not live without right now -- it would be a total and complete disaster if it malfunctioned at this point?
A: My laptop?

Now guess what one belonging of mine has decided to go caput?

You guessed it!

That ranks right up there with slicing open the arterial vein in my left index finger, bleeding out for four hours, and getting stitches on the inside and outside of my finger (Mind you, I'm left-handed).

On the Move

I've made some great headway this weekend. It looks like we may have a lead on a car for me to drive in California. I have a priority hold on a furnished apartment(I'm still not convinced I can't find a better deal, but unless something happens in the next two days, I'm going with it), I actually feel like I might be able to stop and speak to some people this week. It would be really nice to just enjoy these last few days in Elkhart (Okay..that looks ridiculous in print. Summer in Elkhart. Summer in California. I feel like a teenager again. It's all fine and good if it's your own idea, but if someone forces you to do it, well... that'a a whole other story, huh?)

Today is the first day I've actually been able to relax and not think about this move. Approximately 75% of my apartment is packed and ready to go. My mom came over yesterday and helped me pack up most of the kitchen. The only things left in our cupboards are dishes and the food we plan to eat in the next two weeks. This morning Nicki (Ms. Homo) came over and helped me pack up my closet. All that remains are the clothes I'm packing in a suitcase to take with me to California and the shoes that Corlissa and I share (I just wasn't ready for the negotiations to begin yet today. This whole parental/sacrifical/unconditional love thing does not extend to shoes, right?).

I relaxed at the Rosts in the afternoon. All of the baseball coaches sat downstairs(probably belching and farting and talking about baseball). All of the volleyball coaches sat upstairs (no overt belching or farting) and talked about volleyball and social issues. We were actually only disrupted once when we learned that one of the boys relegated to the downstairs had plugged up the upstairs toliet. There was a great deal of finger-pointing, but no one has yet admitted their guilt. I learned that Scott Rost is not only dead sexy, but handy with a plunger. It was good to get back to some semblance of a familiar routine.

To my lovely students at Memorial. This week is my last week at school. I'm only here 1/2 days in the morning. Make sure you stop by and say farewell/"have a great summer!" I'm disappointed that I will not be able to attend the actual graduation ceremony (I lose three hours flying back, and the earliest I can get into the South Bend Airport is 10:35 PM) and many of your open houses. I feel like I'm missing out on a lot, but the bright side is that this whole thing is going to get me home in time for school next year!

That's it for now. I'll keep you posted.

It's About Time

Hey everybody...It's about time I'm back online, huh? I cannot tell you how crazy life has been. I've spent virtually every moment of every day facilitating my move to California. Today is the first day where I feel like I've actually made some real progress. Ironically, all I really want to do is spend the last few days I have at home with the people I love. Instead, I end up glued to the phone or this computer. YUCK!

I received a call from Maryellen (my nurse at Loma Linda). My plan is ready to g(You know "the plan." The one Bloomington couldn't start until July 25. The one that takes 4 weeks at a minimum for a team of doctors and physicists to complete? Hmm...must be a different type of "plan" if it only took LLUMC a little over a week?)and I am on track to start radiation on Monday, June 5. We have a couple of apartment options at this point, and I will probably work hard to firm something up from California when I'm there the first week of treatment. I think it will be better to see these places in person if possible.

As you all know, I really wanted to start on June 12 so that I could finish out the school year, be here for graduation, etc. Dr. Luu was not going for that. But Maryellen promised to get me the earliest possible appointment on Friday morning and the latest possible Monday appointment so I can fly home that weekend. The girls will stay in the apartment for the last week of school, and we will be moving on Saturday, June 10. I think this will be my best move yet. You see, I have doctor's orders not to lift anything over 10 pounds. I am picturing myself in a director's chair with a glass of lemonade barking out orders. Hey... if any of you out there have absolutely nothing better to do on a Saturday, we sure could use some help with the heavy lifting. The good news is I am anal retentive. Our boxes are color-coded and labeled according to where they are going.storage. I'm working hard to make it as seamless as possible.

Most of you have been patiently waiting for some news/photos of Hawaii. It's here! For those of you who don't know, Kelly Crocker (Moses) was my college roommate for two years at Bethel. We weren't always the greatest roomies, but we ended up terrific friends and have kept in close contact over the years. I was in her wedding, she was in mine (okay...it's not true. It just sounded good). Anyway, her husband, Curt, is in the Air Force and they have been stationed in Misawa, Japan for the last few years. Curt & Kelly have one daughter, Jordan, who is 2 1/2 going on 12. She is a quite bright and pretty indepdendent. Well, Jordan was having some problems with her eyes that could not be treated on base, so they shipped them off to Hawaii to Tripler Army Medical to a pediatric opthamologist. So, the Moses family had already been in Hawaii for one week when we arrived. Jordan was diagnosed with three separate eye conditions. She is scheduled to have surgery back in Hawaii in the fall and the other conditions she will likely outgrow.

Having a reunion with Crocker in Hawaii was especially meaningful. First of all, she's been away from home/friends/family through a number of difficult times. Secondly, she's had a lot on her plate in dealing with Jordan's medical concerns. Finally, maintaining a close friendship over seas and sushi can be difficult. Kelly has some great photos of Hawaii; however, she wanted me to issue this disclaimer: She is a proud mother. Don't get annoyed if you end up scrolling through lots of pictures of her kid.

I also want to issue a disclaimer regarding my album. You will not see many photos of me. In fact, it was incredibly difficult to include the ones I did include.
My face was pretty swollen from the flight and change in weather. Furthermore, my best friend, Bells Palsy, decided to tuck himself into my suitcase and sneak on the trip. My nerve damage was at its peak in Hawaii. I really prefered to stay out of pictures altogether, but Kelly is almost as stubborn as me, and I ended up in a few. I posted them, but I give you fair warning. It is not pretty. Secondly, this camera that the EMHS math/language arts departments gave us was amazing. So, be prepared... I was trying to act like a real photographer on the trip.

To see our pics, copy and paste the link into the address bar. You can create your own kodak gallery account and it will keep a copy of these albums in a section called "Friends' Albums" or you can choose to view the albums without signing in. Either way, I would recommend that you view the albums as a slide show rather than clicking on individual pictures (hindsight is 20/20).

Hope you enjoy the photos!

Our Hawaii Photo Album
http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=10ajd8i6.9rsxmva&x=0&y=-crlnzn

Kelly's Hawaii Photo Album:
http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=9g4g2jt.244xwalt&x=0&y=y8dugh

BENEFIT SCHEDULED!!!

Hello Once Again Blog-Readers~

Ashli has been a busy-bee responding to all your phonecalls and emails! Steph Reed & I have also been busy planning the benefit. Here is the official information:

WHERE? Dal-Mar Banquet Hall: 159 East Lincoln Street, Nappanee, IN

WHEN? Saturday, July 08, 2006. Dinner served from 5-7pm. Live Entertainment from 7-10pm

WHY? To help Ash cover costs for lodging, airfare & misc med expenses while she is in Cali.

COST? Spaghetti Supper: Adults/$20, Kids 6-12/$10, Kids 5 & Under/Free


Advanced Ticket Sales are available. You can purchase tickets from Steph Reed (574-903-0355) or myself (574-773-5348). Jacqueline Rost & Kristin Baker @ EMHS are going to coordinate ticket sales to interested students before school is out.


We are also pre-selling raffle tickets for a 27" TV that Monaco Coach was generous enough to donate. Those tickets are $5 each or 3 for $10. You don't have to be present to win the TV raffle.

There will be door prizes, a Silent Auction, a table of baked goods available for a donation & raffles. There are TONS of ways for you to help out (see the help wanted blog below)

As I said earlier, Steph & I are going to try to make this GREAT for Ash, but we WILL need your help. So far we have not been overwhelmed with responses from people offering to help out, so if you are planning to be there & can lend a hand. .. PLEASE post a response to that blog or call one of us and we will add your name to our list and get in touch with you closer to the benefit!

One thing I should note: Since Ash will be in CA for treatment during the benefit, we can't promise that she will be present. . .however, she will be with us in spirit even if she can't be physically present. Much will depend on how she is feeling at that time.

Thanks again for all the prayers for Ashli & our whole family. We truly appreciate all the things you are doing for us!

Alysia

Home Sweet Home (for two whole weeks)

Made it back home safe and sound. Souvenirs brought back: A load of cheap Hawaiin t-shirts, one right hemisphere of face visibly swollen to twice it's normal size (a combination of the weather and flying), more steroid-induced side effects (had to taper back on for the trip; tapering back off again starting tomorrow), a possible curse cast upon me by the Coalition of Waikiki Street Vendors (see full story below), a forged friendship with Dryden Mitchell, lead singer of Alien Ant Farm, whose bags were also lost by Northwest Airlines (it's good to know they don't discriminate) coupled with a standing offer to attend a concert as a special guest, and over 350 digital photos (a few of which could do the EMHS Art Department or perhaps even VanderLende/Cloud proud) which will be uploaded to Snapfish.com for everyone's viewing pleasure.

Street Vendor Full Story:...Be on the lookout for a possible curse cast upon Ashli C. Hepler by the Coalition of Waikiki Street Vendors after they refused to return two bathing suits purchased for Corlissa and Keesha despite the fact that the woman had given me her word that, if i put it on my Visa, my money would be refunded immediately if I returned the suits. After I simultaneously named and she refuted every plausible problem I might encounter upon returning the suits (I've been all over the third-world, nice try, folks), I charged them on my Visa. When I went to return them, I was told "No refunds under any circumstances. Who told you this? Only exchange." I asked for the person who sold me the suits. She got on the phone and said she never told me such a thing. (out with being a part of "ohana", in with being called a bold-faced liar). I asked for the manager. No manager until Monday morning9I called Visa. They would suspend the transaction if the company would verify the authorization code on the receipt. I called the number of the company listed on the receipt. Not a working number. So, I proceeded to walk up and down a crowded Seaside Street, stopping every tourist and giving them strict instructions not to make a purhcase from this vendor. I interrupted every sales transaction. A woman and her 4 daughters walked away in the middle of a purachase (I think the nerve damage to my face coupled with the fact that steroids make you drip sweat like a Gatorade commerical coupled with the fact that I've become quite comfortable behaving like a stark-raving lunatic actually came in handy this time) I'm convinced at least 10 major purchases were lost because of me. Crocker was actually embarrassed enough to walk away (if you know her, you know what I mean). Well... the world is a better place. There are now three Hawaiians who know how to use the "return" function on the Visa machine. I will prevail! Who do these people think they are dealing with?

Anyway...I'm back home... Only a few hours before I have to start booking flights, leasing apartments, packing boxes, and preparing to move across the country for the summer. No pressure, huh?

Thanks in advance to everyone who is working behind the scenes to facilitate the move. A huge shout-out to the Lisa Lashbrooke, whose first-hand knowledge of world of air travel saved me and my dog-tired laptop visits to over a hundred different travel-related websites. One for Anna Banana, who has graciously volunteered to communicate with my friends and coordinate my California visitation schedule, To a friend who, even as we speak, is probably fighting with a tape meausre to figure out the dimensions of her basement so that my children will live in thier own one-bedroom, carpeted apartment. Another for Alysia, who is logging in as me and turning my blog in to a veritable Classified Ad, Still another to Steph Reed, who birthed the concept of the benefit and is working her butt of to bring the idea to fruition, To the Carpenter's Tools, who have agreed to play one or two songs as a reunion special at the benefit (I'm pretty sure it took the most convincing to get my dad on board) which summons up some of my fondest childhood memories. To Jeremy & Kristin, who won't even be married for another six weeks, but have already adopted a sick child. To Danna, who sends me an email virtually daily with a new proposal of how she and Bobby can help. To Nancy White, who called just to lend me some support but ended up breathing life into the words of a book I've been reading ("There's No Place Like Hope," by Vickie Girard') given to me by one "Coach Pie" who bought me the book that, less than 20 pages in, has already transformed me (she even offered to sit and read it to me if my eyes got too bad). To amazing co-workers who faithfully read, comment, and encourage despite the fact that they are authentic communicators and a blog can be quite one-sided. This list could go on for days.... To be continued!

HELP WANTED:

Benefit Postponed: It will NOT be the weekend of June 2-4. Encountered problems obtaining facility on such short notice. New date To Be Announced at a Future Date: Likely a Saturday in July or early August. . .

HELP WANTED:

We have position openings IMMEDIATELY in the following areas:

Housing/Transportation Specialist:
Duties: Willing individuals will assist Ashli C. Hepler in finding free or low cost housing in the Rancho Cucamonga, CA area. Transportation is needed also. Miss Hepler is willing to pay a fee for use of the vehicle as well as insurance costs. Several individuals have already applied for this position & were to be in touch with "contacts" in California. Please do so ASAP! This housing and transporation will be needed as of June 04, 2006.

Donation Locator:
Duties: Locate willing businesses in the greater Elkhart, IN area who are kind-hearted enough to donate merchandise or goods to a benefit for Miss Ashli C. Hepler. Qualifications are a suave sales personality, a Can-Do attitude. Knowledge of Miss Hepler's "contacts" is a plus, but not required.

Manual Laborers:
Duties: Assist in setup/teardown of tables, chairs, sound equipment etc. at benefit.

Organizational Team/Administration:
Duties: Assist in organizing food, beverage, place settings, & other administrative tasks at benefit.

Monetary Specialists:
Duties: Collecting money, making change, giving receipts to benefit attendeees.

Donator/s of Goods:
Duties: Donate goods for benefit. Items needed will likely include: Paper products, plastic silverware, beverages, possibly side dishes, baked goods to be sold for donation.

You will enjoy being part of a well-oiled, highly-organized, benefit throwing machine. Much help will be needed to make this a success! We are counting on YOU to be a part!

All interested applicants please respond to:

Alysia Lutz
Telephone: 574-773-5348
Email: toryalysia@yahoo.com

Aloha

Do you know what stinks about being in Hawaii? We are only here for 5 days! Seriously, this is one of the most amazing places I have ever been. I'm already dreaming of some way to come back for a lengthy vacation. I think the Make-a-Wish Foundation needs to consider helping kids-at-heart.

Let me tell you all why Waikiki is the perfect vacation spot for Ashli Hepler. (1) We are within one block of one of the most amazing beaches I have ever seen -- it looks like something out of a travel brochure. The weather is gorgeous. Hot, but there is a good breeze. The water is warm. There are plenty of people sunbathing who look way worse in a swimsuit than I do, so I am fairly certain I am not the focal point of all the honeymooner's jokes. (2) The view from our hotel room is to die for. I'm sure some of you are imagining palm trees, sand, sunsets, romance. Scrap all that crap. When I look out off our balcony, guess what I see? Just guess? You won't even believe it! Louis Vuiton, Hermes, Fendi, Prada. All these boutiques line the street of my hotel. There is a Macy's within one block. Puma, Adidas. I have never been so happy in my life. Hey, I know I can't afford anything, but it is just nice to know that, maybe, just maybe, Jay-Z is buying Beyonce some extravagant gift within a one-block radius.

I have tons of stuff to tell you guys. I'm trying to be like Anne or Jeremie Riggleman and be a real photographer on this trip. I honestly think I've got some good pictures -- mostly due to the generosity of the EMHS math and language arts departments, who purchased an amazing digital camera, batteries, and huge memory cards for us to document this vacation:) I will try to post some pictures on here ASAP. I've already got them on the computer and ready to go!

Oh... I forgot to mention... guess what restaurant is adjacent to our hotel? The Cheesecake Factory! I think we're headed there right now. Life is good.

Do You Believe in Miracles?

I know you are all waiting for my sister to update her blog regarding her Cali trip. Unfortunately, you are stuck with me, Alysia, the not as creative middle sister. Ashli is probably somewhere in the high sky right now on her way to Hawaii. . .not a care in the world. . .ok, so if any of you know my sister, you know that is probably the FARTHEST thing from the truth. In reality, probably one of two things is happening right now: A) She is fast asleep catching up on the much needed rest, enjoying that new pillow purchase or B) She is diligently working on her laptop composing letters to the Department of Insurance explaining why she is the perfect candidate to push a government proposal making health insurance practices/procedures easier on patients.

Last night our family went to sleep knowing that our parents would likely be using a credit card to charge a hefty $9600 to Loma Linda's facility so that Ashli could get her fittings done and get treatment underway. In Ashli's last post she commented she wasn't putting God in a box just yet. If she had, He clearly took that as a challenge & burst forth from that box tearing it to shreds. At 2:00 am I woke up and laid in bed thinking about the whole pre-authorization deal. The more I thought about it, the more livid I became. Why should MY FAMILY have to pay for some screw up that some Anthem employee made?? So, being a woman of action, I got online, looked up Ashli's account information and composed the entire conversation that I would have with dear Stephanie in pre-authorization this morning. This morning on my way to work I called Ashli's new case manager who promptly put in a call to Stephanie. (Miracle #1) Then I put in a call to Stephanie. Then I checked in with Loma Linda and realized that THEY had put in a call to Stephanie. In my emailings with Alane @ LL I mentioned my frustrations etc. At around noon today IN time, sweet Alane emailed me again and said that "THE PAPERWORK IS IN!!!" (Miracle #2) No credit card was needed!! No form to complete for Ashli to basically "sign her life away" in case Anthem fell through! I emailed Alane telling her that she was an answer to prayer today. . .she emailed the reply below:

"I was praying last night & I just let God know that I didn't want to have to collect the money from your sister & to please help me figure something out. He sure helped. I also extended an invitation to Ashli in regards to attending my church one Sunday. . ." (Miracle #3)

I then heard from Ashli about 20 minutes later on my lunch calling to tell me the good news! She said that her fittings had gone off perfectly. She said that it was crucial that she remain absolutely still during her fittings b/c any miscalculations in those could mess up the target for her radiation treatments. She said it was a VERY strange sensation and that she just felt a peace and did not move ONE MUSCLE the entire time! The doctors said it was one of the best, clearest CT Scans they ever did! (Miracle #4) She got out in plenty of time and when we spoke she was in transit to the airport to hit the skies.

I then got an email from one of Ashli's contacts at the school mentioning that she had seen Doug & he asked "if Ashli was checking her email, becuase he had some good news for her!" (I believe Doug is the school's lawyer) Clearly many people were involved in getting this ball rolling. Poor Stephanie probably was just SO sick of hearing about Ashli Hepler that she dug through the pile on her desk, dusted it off and decided to get half a dozen people off her back in one shot! No matter who all was involved, one things is clear. . .God orchestrated the whole, crazy scheme!

I'll ask you all one more time, Do YOU believe in miracles?

Almost a Californian

Believe it or not, this crazy shack of a Comfort Inn we booked actually has wireless internet access. I tried logging on to update the blog and check some emails only to find that the signal drops to 1.0 mbps (It should be around 54.0 mbps) about every two minutes. Ultimately, I keep getting disconnected and can't stay on long enough to get my update posted.

Not to fret... I'm no dummy. I will prevail! I am typing this update in Microsoft Word and am leaving the window open on my screen. Then, when I find at least a 10-second window of decent wireless connectivity, I'm going to log on and simply hit ctrl c + ctrl v and copy and paste this update right into my blog. I should have thought of this last night. It's already 8:00 a.m. Indiana, and I'm sure many of you are wondering what happened at yesterday's consultation. Here is the lowdown:

Dr. Quocc Luu (he is Vietnamese by nationality, but born and raised in the United States) at Loma Linda University Proton Treatment Center is now my primary radiation oncologist. He has officially accepted my case. Not only that, he wants to get this thing rolling right away. He cannot believe how long it has taken to diagnose this thing, and was mortified that I've had the diagnosis since April and haven't begun radiation yet.

I am returning to the office this morning. I have an 8:30 a.m. appointment to get my radiation mask fitted and then complete another CT Scan with the mask on. Dr. Luu and Maryellen (his/my primary nurse) will then start running the plan immediately. Dr. Luu's goal is to have the plan completed by May 30, 2006. At first, he proposed that I return to California to start radiation on that day. I explained to him that I was hoping to start on June 12th so that I could be at home for the last week of school (and possibly teach full-time, administer exams, etc.), that week.

Long, Intense Side Note: The 11th is also the date I can officially move out of my apartment. We will be packing up most of our belongings and putting them in storage. Corlissa (and possibly Keesha) will be based at Karl & Danielle's for the summer and we are going to turn the basement into a makeshift one-bedroom apartment for them (Karl & Danielle had plans to finish the basement a little at a time. We're going to use some of the money I am saving by not paying rent at two separate residences for two months to get this ball rolling a little early. Karl & Danielle are going to be out-of-town off some of the summer. Corlissa will be in summer school ½ days for most of the summer and will be gone two full weeks at the beginning of July. Everything is really up-in-the-air with Keesha, but I'm planning the schedule as if I have to find coverage for her as well. This is why the U.S. History Trip is so important. Keesha has to take summer school to stay on track to graduate. This class counts for both the fall and spring social studies credits and frees up two slots in her schedule for her to make-up classes that she's failed due to attendance/her harried life. If Keesha is in the same class as Corlissa, I don't have to worry about transportation to and from summer school, they can hold each other accountable regarding homework, getting up on time in the a.m., and I know they have a writing assignment each day with a partner. Not only that, but we know that she will also be gone those first two weeks of July on the trip. That would give Karl & Danielle a nice little break in the schedule. Somehow, someway we have got to make this work out. There was one open slot left for the trip, but I think they are hesitant to add her because it is so late in the game. Keesha's mom wants her to go, too. We will have to hustle, but we can have her paperwork in and ready and meet all the deadlines that have been set for the other kids if we only get the green light to get going! That is going to be one of my top priorities the second I get back in town. It doesn't really matter whether Keesha is added to our family temporarily or permanently. I am about to become these girls' official "educational custodian" and will be listed as the primary person in charge of making educational decisions, calling in absences, and keeping them on-track to graduate. It is my responsibility to make sure this girl gets her diploma and graduates with her class. She is very bright. She tries to "save face" by acting as if she doesn't care about school, but she cheks STI (our online gradebook) almost every single night from home. She generally starts her homework immediately when she gets home from school, and I've seen her work on homework for four straight hours without complaining once. I know there are other teachers who see past the "save-face" attitude she gives, but it is just frustrating that, for the most part, the circumstances which got her in this predicament were totally and completely out of her control. UGH!


Back to the radiation schedule/prognosis: Dr. Luu thought the 12th would be fine, but everyone sensed his hesitancy. In fact, Jeremy and Corlissa were there for the entire appointment and Corlissa actually spoke up and said, "Girl, if you don't start when he wants to start...." We all agree that there is no significant risk in waiting the extra two weeks; however, it is not optimal. My other issue is that I would only be at at home a partial week before returning to live in California. That is simply not enough time to find a place to live/car to drive out here. Ultimately, we've settled on a compromise. I will be returning to LLUMC and starting radiation on June 5, 2006. Dr. Luu wants me to undergo an 8-week dose of proton radiation. I can't leave the second it's over, though. They generally keep patients a week longer for monitoring. Any way you look at it, I'll still be home by the beginning of August and possibly even by the July 31 date that I had planned. The only difference is that I'm going to have to tack on an extra week at the beginning. We've also decided that I'm going to stay with either Jeremy or Kristin for the first week I'm here (their wedding isn't until July 1, 2006, but their new place is available on May 26, 2006. They still haven't settled on who is moving into the new place until the wedding, but I will be living with whomever that is the first week of treatment. My goal is to narrow the housing search down to three properties before June 2, 2006, fly out the 3rd, visit each property and then work on getting the lease signed and moving in the next week. We are looking for a furnished 2BR so that all I have to do is have my clothing and personal care items shipped out to Jeremy and Kristin's and we can move right in. If you know me, you know I like to be one step ahead of the game. So, I stopped at JcPenney last night and bought an extra set of luggage. I way over-packed for Hawaii, so I took out several summer outfits, toiletries, etc. and re-packed us for this trip. I'm actually packing two separate suitcases that Jeremy and Kristin are going to keep in the apartment for me. It is now feasible that I could just fly out on the 5th and have enough clothing to last me this entire week if I can't get things shipped here by that date. It will be much cheaper to ship things like shampoo, makeup, etc. than to buy stuff here because tax is like 8% out here right now.

On the bright side, Maryellen (great nurse in Cali), has already helped out a ton with some housing connections and helped us decide that Rancho Cucamonga is definitely the best bet as far as my central location. She also told me that the American Cancer Society will reimburse me for all mileage I drive to and from treatment while I'm here. It's just a matter of contacting them for the right paperwork and having LLUMC verify it. She has been instrumental in getting this ball rolling and keeping it rolling. I have a really good feeling about her. Many thanks to all the others who have put in phone calls on my behalf to help secure housing and transportation. I will definitely be getting more info. and getting in touch with your contacts. Some of you have called and left messages for me to call you. I am not sure what will happen with my cell in Hawaii, but since Kelly has been emailing me/updating her blog from HI, I'm fairly sure there will be some way for me to do so as well. Can those of you who have contact names/numbers email them to me? I definitely want to start making contacts even from HI if I do have cell phone service.

On the not-so-bright side, one area where Dr. Luu differed from the other specialist was his outlook for my physical condition during radiation. He expects me to have a pretty major burn on my face and that I will be in significant pain. They will work hard to manage the pain, but the medications could be intense enough that I would be ordered not to drive. Essentially, I am going to need to have a contingency plan to cover this. According to the schedule I've been working out, it appears as if enough people are planning to come and stay with me that I could feasibly have visitors each day I'm in California (hurry...there are only a few slots left for you to book your no-lodging-cost vacation to Cali this summer!). Sorry, you may have to drive me to radiation for 30 minute each day as compensation for the free place to stay :(

Digressing from bright to not-so-bright into the forces of darkness news: Anthem still has not signed my pre-determination paperwork to approve Loma Linda as my treatment facility and Dr. Luu as my treating physician. Alane (my insurance specialist in California) says that the original pre-determination was coded incorrectly all along. She isn't sure if the mistake was made on Bloomington's end or Anthem's end, but the treatment listed on the original form was not coded correctly ever. Since the codes are changing, we have had to start the process over from scratch and were told that the same 4-6 week delay is quite possible. Amazing people have dropped everything to try to intervene with Anthem (again). No one knows where we're at with this paper, but it I am scheduled to meet with Alane at 7:30 a.m. (10:30 for most of you in Indiana) to settle this. Since Anthem will just have started the business day, everyone is skeptical that this paper will get signed in time. In fact, we worked out a plan yesterday, and I am planning to write a check for $9,600 to Loma Linda University Medical Center at that time. It is LLUMC's policy that the patient must pay for 20% of the entire course of treatment up-front if they want to proceed with appointments before securing insurance approval. Thus, the figure is a little higher than expected. Either way, it just doesn't make sense to do wait. The appointment is on the calendar, waiting will cost us valuable time, and I would return from Hawaii and have to turn around and fly right back to LA the next day to get this done. That will cost more money out-of-pocket in both the short and long-term. I just don't see any way around it. UGH! No one needs to panic, though. We've got a plan in place to cover the funds. I am not about to bounce a check this morning or anything. We've basically witnessed one miracle after another leading us to California. The day is young. I'm not ready to box God in just yet!

I'm scheduled to leave the hotel at 6:45. Should have plenty of time to spare to get to LAX for the flight because they think the appointment will only take an hour and I'm the first one on the schedule. Pray for smooth traffic on the west-bound 10. No accidents and we should even have time to go out to lunch!

I'll be offline until we arrive in HI. We're schedule to land at 5:20 p.m. local time (It's three hours later than CA, six hours later than you). I probably won't be back in touch until tomorrow (but it will likely be evening on Wednesday your time before I would update the blog or start trying to call people). Until then!

Add one to the list of miracles: I got a decent connection! I can't change the font at all, so who knows how this text will appear on our screen.

Cali or Bust!

Hi guys! I'm sitting in Glendora, California right now. Our flight was on-time and we had no problems at all in the air. Corlissa had never been on a plane, but she didn't even seem that nervous. About 10 minutes into the flight, we were both out. I slept for the first three hours and then worked on my laptop. Corlissa slept virtually the entire flight.

Jeremy and Kristin picked us up at LAX and now we're back at their place. When we touched down, I had a voicemail waiting from Stephanie, the Anthem enigma. She basically ssid that "since I've chosen to switch facilities" (those were her words and I don't think I was imagining the tone...maybe she's tired of having 5 different people call her about my case. Well... maybe I'm tired of paying $85/month in premiums + $250/month for office copays for health insurance that is supposed to be there for me when I need it. After all, I am paying for this. It's not like I'm asking you're getting approval to throw me a surprise bon voyage party for my trip to Californai) and it so happens that this new facility I've "chosen" codes the treatment differently, Anthem will not transfer the treatment to a new facility. In essence, they must start the pre-determination paperwork over from scratch and she needed me to be aware that they are still experiencing the same 4-6 week delay that we were dealing with the first time. Well... brace yourself for even more phone calls, Miss Stephanie. Maybe when the dang paper gets signed, you can get back to your other cases.

Anyhow...I called Mary Ellen and asked her to arrange for me to meet with financial services. I've just made up my mind that I'm not leaving without this appointment. It just doesn't make sense. I've had this procedure done at Goshen. They sent me a statement and asked me to verify that I've received all of the servies listed. They were: CT Scan, Mask, MRI, PET Scan, etc. The total cost of services rendered was a little over $5,400. That's not a second mortgage or anything. Maybe they'll let me pay them in two installments and I will hope and pray Anthem can reiumburse me directly after this is approved if we document that the visit has been paid in full. Maybe financial services at LLUMC has done this before.

Right now I'm using Jeremy's laptop to update you all. I know everyone wants to know what's going on. I brought my laptop and wireless card along for the trip. I'm hoping to find a way to connect both here tonight (after I've met with the doctor) and also in Hawaii. I seriously doubt you will hear from me tomorrow, though. We are pushing the time limits as it is. We are leaving in about 5 minutes to head toward Loma Linda. Jeremy thinks we've got plenty of time to spare. After my appointment, we're going to check into a hotel about 1 mile from the hospital and then go site-seeing in Rancho Cucamonga and possible a couple other places. Corlissa gets to sleep in during my appointment tomrrow and then we'll head straight to LAX to catch our flight to Honolulu (we arrive about 8:00 pm HI time).

Keep checking in!

Why Sleep Now?

It is so pointless to go to bed now. Maybe if I just stay up, I'll be able to sleep through the entire flight. We had dinner with Dave & Cary at Cheesecake Factory last night. Now that is a start to a good trip. I just want everyone to know that Cary Dameron Schwartz now has a "Master of Science" next to her name and I am one of the first people to see the evidence on her diploma. For those of you who don't know, I'm one year out from getting my masters (hers is in school counseling; mine in social work) and there is some question about whether or not I will be able to continue with my cohort and stay on track to graduate in May due to my radiation schedule this summer. So, for me, her completion of this degree has special significance.

Anyway... we stopped by Brookstone and I bought this amazing travel pillow for the plane. They were discontinuing the line, so it was a bargain. (And yes, Mom. I do recall you telling me, "When you buy something just because it is on clearance, you still spend more money than you would have if you had not bought it at all, so you're really not saving money, you're spending money you wouldn't have spent in the first place." And I heard your voice quite clearly in my head, and then Cary told me to buy it and Corlissa looked at me like she thought it was a good idea, and well...now I have a really nice travel pillow so that at least I'll be comfortable when your fiscal mini-lessons replay through my head for the duration of my flight :)

I just want to say that I am annoyed with everyone who has been commenting. I have been so good. I have been replying to your comments. I answer your questions, respond to your statements, and ask questions in return. Does anyone bother to answer these comments in turn? NO! I wasted all that insomnia re-commenting for nothing. Can you all start looking back over comments and letting me know what is going on here?

I'm going to get in the shower and get ready for my flight. I had to take a double-dose of steroids for the flight (to prevent swelling) for the day, so maybe I'll scrounge through Dave & Cary's fridge and see if they have the fixings for one of my famous bacon, egg, and cheese (must be velveeta because it melts properly) omelettes. I might even serve them breakfast in bed (if you know Dave & Cary, you know this isn't really gonna happen because I would be terrified to enter their bedroom unannounced).

Next in line to be annoyed by a visit from Insomniac/OCD Ashli:

Snoop Dogg and Krissy

P.S. - Don't forget to read the post just below. It is new as well and chocked full of interesting information/prayer requests/details about my crazy life.

Blink of an Eye

Alright... if you've been following this blog religiously, then you already know that my life can easily change in the blink of an eye. If you happen to skip a day or two in logging on, I'm probably in a different part of the world with a different diagnosis and maybe have even completely changed my identity.

Right now I'm sitting in Dave & Cary Schwartz apartment in Indy. I should be asleep, but I woke up panicked that I told Anne & Joel the wrong time for our outbound flight to LAX. Guess what? I did. Tomorrow morning (I mean in a few hours) my lovely sister and her husband are picking us up and taking us to the Indy airport. We will be flying into LAX and are scheduled to arrive at 9:35 California time (I think Cali is 3 hours behind us, so it will really be noon our time). Jeremy Lugbill is picking us up at LAX. We were planning on just chillin' in Cali and seeing some sights but...

The way this has all worked out is just so crazy that it is hard to absorb! Loma Linda University Medical Center (one of the two remaining proton radiation centers in the United States) already has my records and is seriously considering taking my case (they were uncertain at first because of the whole "stage 4" label). Dr. Luu (Sorry... new name. Basically the Dr. Thornton of California) doesn't normally see patients on Tuesdays, but given the circumstances, he scheduled a consultation appointment with me for today. So, sight-seeing: out. Hightailing it west-bound from LA across the 10 to Loma Linda (near San Bernardino) to LLUMC/Dr. Luu: in. Consulation should be a snap. I've only had like 3 of them already. I'm not sure what he can tell me that I don't already know and have bound in my color-coded, chronologically-ordered medical binder.
''
Cali's proton protocol is about the same as everyone else's. Consulation, followed by planning appointment (where they do a CT scan of you in the mask which they use to run numbers to get measurements to write their radiation plan), followed by 3-4 weeks of wait time while the doctors/physicists run the numbers through the computer and write the radiation plan, then radiation can begin. LLUMC, however, is a much larger facility and indicate that they can usually get out a plan and start radiation within a 3-week window. Of course, the plan can't run if I don't have the CT Scan/mask made. Crazily enough, they usually scheduled the consultation and planning appointments back-to-back over a two-day period. There were absolutely no openings for a morning planning appointment on Wednesday, though. Mary Ellen (who will be my case manager in California) made a couple of phone calls and found a local patient who could take an afternoon opening so that I could take an 8:30 a.m. and just maybe make it back to LAX for our flight to Honolulu. (I haven't heard how long that appointment takes, but I've done this same thing in Goshen and it took a few hours). If we leave LLUMC at 11:00 a.m., we are looking at an hour or two in west-bound traffic since we're headed into LA on one of the busiest expressways in California. That puts us at the airport at 1:00 and our outbound flight is scheduled at 2:35 (can someone remind me to verify that time b before 2:00 a.m. the night before the flight). There's only one thing, one person, one veritable force of darkness that could stand in our way....... Anybody want to take a guess?

ANTHEM!!!!!!!!!!!

So, originally Anthem told us that my pre-determination was approved -- that I was approved to receive proton radiation, no matter what facility I go to. "It isn't the facility that is approved, it is the treatment," according to Stephaniem, head of Anthem pre-determination/UM Services (She is an enigma. No one has ever seen her, but evidently she holds the power). My case merits approval for this special radiation (duh... it's like the only option). I already have a pre-determination approval letter in my hand (in the color-coded, chronological OCD binder) It says proton radiation is approved but lists Dr. Thornton and MPRI in Bloomington as the treating physician/facilty. When we first learned that this change of venue could take place, we called pre-determination immediately back they said there should be "no problem" transferring facilities for treatment. Now that this transfer seems plausible, they are back-pedaling. Evidently LLUMC uses some different "codes" for their treatment than Bloomington uses. These codes are listed on the pre-determination form. If the codes change, then we would have to start the pre-determination paperwork all over again from scratch and we're back to the whole "we're behind on pre-determinations by 4-6 weeks response." So, Ru and I were set to walk out the door at 3:10 and head out to Indy. Instead, I had to compose a panic-stricked email to the all-powerful Doug Hasler (Elkhart Community Schools attorney) and update him on the fact that I may need him to go to bat for me again -- I'm pretty sure he worked on this for two days for me just a week ago. UGH!

Once again, LLUMC can see me in consultation on Tuesday, but they cannot really touch me on Wednesday unless they know they are going to get paid from someone. Mary Ellen was going to try to push this through quickly. Maybe, just maybe, since they've already established that proton radiation is medically necessary and all they've got to do is change some codes and print out a new form, they can expedite the thing and get the letter/verbal approval to Loma Linda tomorrow. This time I was one-step ahead of them, though. I asked up-front about the option of paying for this planning appiontment myself and waiting for reimbursement from Anthem when it is approved (there is not really a question that it will be approved; it's simply a matter of how long before the approval is in our hands). Well, Mary Ellen says that "may be possible", but they bundle the consultation appointment and the planning appointment and bill them together, so I would have to be prepared to pay for both up-front or work out something with financial services and it would be "a lot of money."

Does anyone out there have any idea of how to quantify "a lot" from the standpoint of a medical provider? I have a Visa Platinum, but I'm pretty sure if they gave it to me, they're giving them to everyone these days and the platinum thing is no longer really signifies that I'm some precious metal and worth a exorbitantly high credit limit. I don't know what they should have really called my Visa. Perhaps they could have named it "Just enough to buy a really nice king-size mattress" Plus, Visa platinum has been busy booking flights and hotels and paying for doctor's co-pays.

I write all this to tell you I guess there is a slight chance that my next post could read "Help! I need to raise $15, 345 by 8:30 a.m. tomorrow!" (At least that gives us until noon in Indiana and the bank will be open....good thing we already got that charitable account set up and running :) Alright, if you are following along, I would sugggst you just get DSL and stay connected. I have no freaking clue what is going to happen tomorrow (I mean today).

Color Blind

I hope most of the Crips in LA are color blind because well over half of my closet is red!

The only question that remains is "How long will I be living in California?" Okay... that's a total and complete lie. I also have to figure out how to finagle a way to get Anthem to cover my transportation and lodging, find a place to live, find a car to drive myself back and forth from home to treatment, figure out where my kid(s) are going to go while I'm gone, secure good directions from Loma Linda Medical Center to Rodeo Drive (I threw that one in for good measure), select and target the readers I'm most likely to convince to fly out to California for a visit, scan all of my medical records (nearly 100 pages) into the computer and burn them to a CD-Rom, and pack and be ready to leave for Hawaii by Sunday night.

Barring some major mishap, I will be starting proton radiation at Loma Linda Unversity Medical Center's Proton Treatment Center sometime in the first few weeks of June. The only downside to LL is that they rarely work collaboratively with other doctors. I accidentally included Dr. Wheeler's amazing dosimetry and radiation plan when I faxed them 32 pages of medical records, and I need everyone to pray that they will be so awed by the genius of his plan that they decide I can safely receive 5 weeks of protons in California followed by 3 weeks of photons (traditional radiation) in Goshen.

Did I mention the fact that when we booked our itinerary to Hawaii, I made a split-second decision to stay over in LA for an extra day in order to visit Jeremy Lugbill and Kristin Conn (soon to be Lugbill)? I was feeling guilty about not being able to attend their wedding since I would be stuck in Bloomington getting radiated. We were going to have a four hour layover at LAX anyway, so I just said, "Screw it, I've already missed like 3,485 days of school this year....what's one more day?" Well...It just so happens that Loma Linda needs to see me at least once to get the plan running, and the doctor has agreed to see me on Tuesday or Wednesday when we are already in LA. This means that my radiation plan will be running while we're relaxing on the beach in Oahu. I dare just one of you agnostic or atheistic or some other a-prefix reader to try to convince me that God himself did not choregraph this one!

We've already established that Rancho Cucamonga, CA is the perfect halfway spot between the hospital and Jeremy & Krissy's newlywed pad. Anybody have time to see if there any furnished sublets available? (2 BR...expecting visitors)

More Not-So-Great News

Okay... I received my response from Dr. Thornton and MPRI and my hunch that they were proposing that I not begin radiation until August was correct. In fact, they are actually predicting that I would not begin radiation until the very end of August. In "Not-So-Great-News" I mentioned that I might post for all of you the letter that I wrote to MPRI concerning this delay of schedule. I am going to post it for all of you to read. It is lengthy, but I think it will help you to better understand why this delay is so unacceptable to me. You should probably know that I have attempted to temper my true anger and frustration within my correspondence to MPRI simply based on my notion that it is never a good idea for one to burn bridges that one may need to cross. Here goes:

Dr. Thornton, Kim, and the Staff of MPRI:

I apologize in advance for the length and intensity of this email. I know that you are all very busy, but feel that this communication merits your full consideration:

First and foremost, I understand that your facility works under very strict guidelines and perhaps there is nothing that can be done in this situation; however, I am not certain that you understand the full ramifications that this delay will have on me personally. I am going to outline why this delay is unacceptable to me based on how it will affect several aspects of my life. Before I do, though, I need to tell you my biggest concern is that I was mislead at my original appointment with you on Monday, April 24, 2006. My friend Nicki and I were both present in this appointment and took verbatim notes with each of you. At this appointment I was told verbally by Dr. Thornton "We will bring you back sometime next week for your planning appointment." and I was also directed to "contact Kim if I have not heard from MPRI within 3 days." Although I did not hear back from you directly within that time period, I sent you an email on Friday, April 28 and received your respective responses on May 1 and May 3 respectively. On May 3, Kim alerted me that the hold-up was my insurance company. This holdup was unacceptable to me, so I worked diligently on my end to problem-solve and my pre-determination paperwork was signed on Friday, May 5, 2006. It was my understanding at the time that insurance was our delay. I was not told that your facility was also behind.

I do not understand your quota system, but can document that there was no mention of it as a cause of a delay until I received Kim's email yesterday. In fact, at no time up until yesterday had I been told that there could be this long of a delay. Right now I am caught in limbo. Goshen Cancer Center is poised to correlate plans with you and even ready to start radiating me, but Dr. Thornton indicated that he cannot authorize my IMRT radiation until he looks at the plans side-by-side. Since his plan will not be ready until August, both Goshen and I have been immobilized. I am under no misconception that this month could be the difference between life and death. After all, I've lived with this cancer for 10 years now and it hasn't killed me. Yet, this is cancer. It is not lying dormant. Until we start treating it, it is progressing in some capacity. If I do not start radiation until August, essentially I will have sat around and let this cancer grown and multiply for nearly half a year. Ultimately, I feel as if you have stripped me of all my options. If you had been upfront with me about this from the beginning, I would have likely asked you for information about the traditional proton radiotherapy and requested a referral to Boston or Loma Linda. Either way, it is important to me that each of you understand the effects that this delay will have on me in several arenas of my life:

Physically:
1. Right now I cannot smile, chew on my right side, or taste much of anything. I'm having a hard time articulating my words (one of the hardest to say is my own last name) because my the right side of my lip does not move. I cannot blink my right eye, consequently it is becoming dry and fatigued which is affecting my vision (I've run over three curbs and nearly demolished one mailbox). I am starting to notice more effects on my equilibrium and balance. So, here I am wondering..... "What the heck am I going to be like by the time you actually get around to radiating me?"
2. Who the is in charge of me and my pain while I'm waiting in limbo? No one seems to want to administer my meds and my head feels like it is perpetually in a vice? When I hug someone and they press against my cheek, it is even painful.

Emotionally:
1. If you can't already tell, I am losing some steam here. It seems like my optimism and strength are being whittled away by intertia. That is scary to me because Dr. Thornton explicitly told me that attitude makes all the difference with this cancer. It just does not seem humane to tell a person "The best thing you can do for yourself and for this cancer is keep a positive attitude" and then turn around and give them news/information/obstacles that make it virtually impossible to follow "doctor's orders."
2. I have a foster daughter -- scratch that, TWO foster daughters -- who need me. They are already facing the possibility of having me gone for the summer. Some of their biggest needs are academic. Now I have to tell them that I am going to have to move away for 8 weeks during the school year when they needs me most. They will no longer be able to come stay with me or visit me because they will be in school. These are kids who have never had a support system. They finally get one and your quota is going to take it from them.
3. The majority of my friends and family are teachers. They are free in the summer. If I am living in Bloomington from June-August, they will come visit me. You have scheduled me so that, not only am I facing a very scary cancer diagnosis and treatment, but so that I will be forced to go it alone. I can't imagine that is the best-case scenario for my mental health.

Professionally/Financially:
1. Because I am a teacher, my calendar year essentially begins in August. Under the original schedule we had projected, I would have been able to return to teaching full-time next year. This cancer has already ruined the remainder of my 2006 school year. I am not teaching my students. I am missing the one unit where I know kids actually learn a real-life lesson. Now, I am facing the prospects of not starting off the 2006-2007 school year. Do you know the ramifications of that for a teacher? If I don't captivate these 125 freshmen students from the moment they step into the building, I will lose them for an entire semester or year. Someone else will be setting the expectations for my classroom. Someone else will be setting guidelines and policies and establishing the overall tone/feel of the class. Someone else will be establishing the initial relationships that ultimately determine whether a kid is "hooked" into the class or not. It is virtually impossible that this other person will be able to execute this the way that I want it executed. And, when I return I will be facing an uphill battle to get these kids back. For some kids, this will be the difference in passing ISTEP, getting a diploma, and making something of their lives.

2. I derive a great deal of my own personal identity, energy, enthusiasm, and vigor for life from my occupation. Dr. Thornton, I believe that you yourself said that maintaining my positive, fighting spirit is one of the best things I can do to battle ACC.
3. I am currently depleting my sick bank by teaching only 1/2 days. When this school year ends, I will break even in the sick bank. If I do not start radiation until August, I will be able to sign a regular teaching contract; however, I will be forced to borrow 40 days from the sick bank. At the end of my teaching career I am paid for each sick day as part of my retirement package. Your schedule will adversely affect my financial future.
4. If I had been scheduled in Bloomington according to our original agreement, I would have been able to take the one master's class I could not attend at IU Bloomington or IUPUI and stay on track to graduate with my MSW in the spring.This option does not exist in the fall as I am enrolled in 2 classes and am scheduled to complete an internship. This degree would have resulted in $8,000 annual pay increase . This delay in the schedule will costs me not only retirement benefits, one whole contract year without this pay raise.

I have many more concerns that I cannot outline due to time constraints. Ultimately, I know that MPRI is the best place for me to be. I have a great deal of confidence in you. I want this to work; however, I need to hear from you -- each of you -- regarding this. If we cannot find some way to make this work so that I can resolve my issues of my physical deterioration and return to teaching in the fall, I need you to give me other options. Can I go elsewhere? Is it safe? Is there any treatment I can be receiving now? Is there any way Goshen can safely start me? I guess this is my ultimate question: Is my treatment being delayed a matter of legality due to your IDE rules and regulations, or is it merely a scheduling/logistical nightmare? One is acceptable to me, the other is not.

Thank you in advance for your consideration,
Ashli

I have already received a response from Dr. Thornton. It was again vague and elicited more questions. I have already replied and hope to hear back from Dr. Thornton tomorrow. When push comes to shove this is their explanation: "Kim has a firm handle on the schedule, and she is informing me that we would not be able to start you with protons until August. This is entirely due to our commitments to previous, earlier patients." Of course, I pointed out to Dr. Thornton that if the delay is due to commitments to previous patients, then those previous patients must have existed at our original consulation of April 24th (had they not I would be the previous, earlier patient and my plan would be running right now), therefore the delay was predictable and had he informed me of it at the onset, I would have begun questioning this course of treatment three whole weeks ago and had time to make an informed decision that is my physical, mental, and emotional best interests.

But I can count on AA (that's what I'm going to start typing instead of Amazing Alysia) who spent hours on the phone on my behalf and spoke to Brooke in Loma Linda and, if I can expedite them my medical records and the doctors agreed to take my case (they are skeptical to take anyone labeled "stage 4"), they could begin planning in a week and I could begin radiation at Loma Linda sometime in June and be back to start school in August and then called Anthem to verify that I would not have to battle them again for pre-determination paperwork and learned that the treatment, not the facility is what needs the seal of approval so there is no delay. Furthermore, Loma Linda is considered in-network. All this to say I could potentially moving to California within the month.

How is that for a 24-hour update?

Not-So Great News

So, the issue with Anthem seems to be resolved. We are not quite certain whethere MPRI will be considered an in-network or an out-of-network expense (I've been told one thinng; Alysia, who is the best sister and designated insurance representative in the wolrd, has been told another). Either way, Bloomington now has some assurance that they will get paid and will consider treating me.

However, it appears asif planning/scheduling treatments at MPRI in Bloomington may be problematic. I received an alarming email from Kim, Dr. Thornton's nurse, indicating that they have scheduled my first planning appointment for July 5, 2006. The email was apologetic and vague, and I am unable to discern whether they mean that I would not begin radiation until July (which I was already not happy about but had accepted as the reality of the situation and calculated that there was still a good chance I would be home when school started in August) OR that they would not begin writing my plan until July (which means that I would not even be starting my treatments in Bloomington until August).

Through some divine intervention, I was able to formulate a calm email response asking for clarification. I am not, however, feeling so calm. I am not under some misconception that this month could be the difference between life and death. After all, I've lived with this cancer for 10 years now and it hasn't killed me. Yet, this is cancer. It is not lying dormant. Until we start treating it, it is progressing in some capacity. If MPRI does not start radiation until August, essentially I will have sat around and let this cancer grown and multiply for nearly half a year. And I will have been forced to do that because and I quote, "Unfortunately, we've met our quota of treatments for May and June." That is a a little hard to digest. Right now I cannot smile, chew on my right side, or taste much of anything. I'm having a hard time articulating my words (one of the hardest to say is my own last name) becasue my the right side of my lip does not move. I cannot blink my right eye, consequently it is becoming dry and fatigued which is affecting my vision (my sincerest apologies to the mailbox and three curbs I've nearly demolished). So, here I am wondering..... "What the heck am I going to be like by the time they actually get around to radiating me?"

If you can't already tell, I am losing some steam here. It seems like my optimism and strength are being whittled away by intertia. That is scary to me because Dr. Thornton explicitly told me that attitude makes all the difference with this cancer. It just does not seem humane to tell a person "The best thing you can do for yourself and for this cancer is keep a positive attitude" and then turn around and give them news/information/obstacles that makes it virtually impossible to follow "doctor's orders."

I apologize for being a kill-joy at 5:00 a.m. (I guess the good news is that I went to bed at a decent hour and did not really get up until now. This is the second night in a row :)) I've always been pretty confident about teaching literature to my students, but I don't think Ive ever really mastered teaching writing. If there is one thing I want you guys to know about writing it is this: Readers are not stupid. They can spot a cover-up a mile away. When it comes down to it, writing really can't be categorized as "good" or "bad"; it's simply honest and from the heart or a lie. The whole point of this online journal is to lead by example, and I refuse to be a liar.

Okay...I promise to update you all later. I expect a fairly quick response from MPRI as all they have to do is tell me which of the two scenarios I outlined they are actually proposing. I am going to begin a draft of my email response as if they are proposing the worst-case scenario so that I don't lose even more time. Perhaps I will just post the whole thing on the blog when I'm done. I also promise I'll write something more uplifting later. I've been working on a great little ode (because I need to thank some people) that actually reads like a limerick (because I came three applicaple words/phrases that actually rhyme with radiation). I'll try to redeem myself from this rant later.

GREAT NEWS!!!!!!!!!

Hats off to all the people who intervened with Anthem! My pre-determination paperwork was signed and mailed on Friday. Of course, Anthem is saying I'm going to have to pay MPRI as an out-of-network expense, but we can save that battle for another day. My account representative at MPRI already called to discuss my co-pay situation. Essentially, they will be expecting a $30 co-pay each and every day that they see me (8 weeks x 5 days a week x $30 a day.... I'm so glad I'm bad at math!)

I've been given the green light to begin scheduling appiontments with the doctors in Bloomington. Kim, Dr. Thornton's nurse, will be making calls to schedule me with the neuro-surgeon (who will be in charge of implanting my bbs) and the dentist (who will make rigid dental impressions so that my mouth will be completely immobile during radiation) because both of these procedures need to be done before my casts can be made at MPRI.

Kim is skeptical that I will be able to get into either of these doctors this week. This is a huge area where prayer is needed. I really need to get some of this done before Hawaii.

I also just received a voicemail from Alysia. The information she received from Anthem indicated my pre-determination was approved as in-network and that I have already met most of my out-of-pocket expenses and supposedly I do not have to pay any further co-pays for anything except prescriptions. We'll try to get this sorted out and keep you all posted. More to come later!

Making Headway

I truly believe if you all were to look up the word "assertive" in Webster's Dictionary, you would find a picture of my face. I am seriously the veritable definition of the word these days. Here's what I've found out about the Anthem issue:

(1) MPRI cannot see me until they have Anthem's pre-determination approval on file. This is a document that says that the insurance company will pay at least part of the costs (even if it is onlly out-of-network) for their services.
(2) My pre-determination paperwork is sitting in a pile somewhere waiting to be signed
(3) Anthem is about 4-6 weeks behind on these papers. This means that it is not likely anyone will even look at the paper until the end of May.
(4) If the paper is not signed until the end of May, I cannot be measured or fitted until then.
(5) After I'm measured and fitted, it will take about 1 month for the computer to run the numbers and for the doctors to develop my radiation plan.
(6) According to my calcuations, this means I would be able to begin radiation anywhere (because Bloomington can't let Goshen start until they are done with the plan) until the beginning of July.
(7) Radiation will last 6-8 weeks
(8) I would not even be done with radiation when school starts next fall

Does anyone else see this as unacceptable? Hey... I'm happy this is a slow-growing cancer, but I'm not going to sit around and let it grow in my face all summer. I am already having a hard time chewing, smiling, and laughing, and it seems to be getting worse by the day. I'm the funniest person I know. I'm forced to laugh on a regular basis. I can't afford to not laugh. Plus, Dr. Thornton himself said it was the best form of medicine for my tumor :)

So... here is what I say: I will be in Bloomington for measurements and fittings next week. If Anthem doesn't get the paperwork signed, MPRI is just going to have to figure out how much it will cost me to pay for those procedures outright, and we're all gonna have to do some serious fundraising until the suits at Anthem get out their Mont Blanc pens, get on the ball, and get my pre-determination paper signed! I AM NOT TAKING NO FOR AN ANSWER! In fact, I'd like to go to Bloomington on Wednesday and Thursday of next week, and I may just show up in the waiting room!

Secondly, RaKeesha Marie Ballard will be going on the U.S. History Trip. Let's all make this happen. I won the school $500 for an Excellence in Education Award (tune in to see me on the 16 Morning News on Monday) and the trip costs $600. I think I know how EMHS should use that check!

So...everyone needs to jump on board Ashli's Assertive Bandwagon! It's actually a pretty fun ride!

My Anthem

Here is another example of the word "finna" used in context for my white friends:

I AM FINNA SNAP ON ANTHEM!

So, everyone keeps asking me when I'm going to get this whole radiation thing started. I am sitting here wondering myself. I know we can't get started until the computer generates the numbers and we can determine whether Goshen and Bloomington can work together. Bloomington can't even input the numbers in the computer until they have me down for two days of measurements and fittings. I thought that was going to happen sometime this week. But, why hasn't it, you ask? Well let me tell you...

Bloomington can't schedule me for my measurements and fittings becasue ANTHEM has not given them any indication that they will pay for one iota of such their medical services

Essentially, I have a tumor growing in my face while some dude in a sweet, Italian suit (which I hope and pray his taylor cut too close in the crotch inseam) is practicing on his mini-office putting green instead of signing his name on my paperwork.

You all should start praying for the customer service representative that answers the precertification line at 9:00 a.m. this morning.

(877) 814-4803. Maybe we should all call!

PETs Are Our Friend

Fanatastic News! My PET Scan came back 100% squeaky clean. There is absolutely no evidence that the cancer has spread to any other part of my body. Furthermore, Dr. Wheeler said it was one of the clearest PET Scans he has ever seen. The image of my tumor is perfectly outlined for him. This helps because he needs a clear picture of the tumor in order to get good measurements and continue his radiation plan.

I know this gives all of us an even greater sense of peace. Moreover, it is important to me because it tells me that I really can trust my gut instincts and my heart. I never sweat this scan at all (and somebody should ask Karl about how annoying I was when I was sweating the biopsy) ... I feel like a little voice was telling me this was going to be okay.

Give Me this Computer or Give Me Death!

I officially suck at setting boundaries. I will tell you, however, that this short blog entry might be responsible for saving my life. Right now I am wide awake and have a major compulsion to cook breakfast. However, I am well aware that if I do so, there is a good chance my life will be ended by a usually-very-docile girl who definitely can turn "ghetto" on a dime. Instead of dying, I am writing to you.

I really wish first period started at 5:00 a.m. I'm ready to teach right now. We're about to start the chapter in Mockingbird where Scout kicks her cousin's butt for trash-talking her dad. I have a strong affinity for tomboys. It reminds me of my days in Wakarusa, hanging out with my best friends (twin boys) and wreaking havoc on a town slower than its maple syrup.

I have been reading the comments you all are leaving faithfully. Can people please stop being totally and completely anonymous? Please at least embed some clue as to your identity. I've even begun to respond back to some of your comments, so make sure you check that out.

Alright, I wanted to make a quick guide for those of you who are reading the blog and comments faithfully. Many of you have mentioned how much you love reading what the students write, therefore I am assuming that they are easily identifiable. Students, on the other hand, I think you are reading comments and not entirely sure who is writing. You have been introduced to virtually all these people via our conversations in the classroom, but here is the VIP Key I've made to help you out:

Alysia = The sister who is four years younger than me. She is the one who lives in Nappanee and is working so hard on all my insurance stuff. We've talked about her and her crazy race-car driving husband, Tory.

Anne = She's the sister who just moved to Indy. She's married to Joel. She must be busy working in the pharmacy, exploring her new town, and honing her skills as a photographer because she is not commenting on here. She's eight years younger than me. I teach English, so you'll have to do the math. I think that makes her 23?

"Crock" or kellymoses = One of my closest friends and rommates from Bethel. Don't ever believe the crap people tell you about how you won't keep in touch with friends from high school and college. Our relationship is evidence to the contrary. Oh yeah, I think you will also know her as my friend who lives in Japan. Her husband is in the Air Force (Don't get confused, though. This not the same friend whose husband we drove to see jump out of the plane on that crazy road trip to Georgia).

Lorischuster = If I someone were to ask me whom I most wanted to be like when I grow up, it would take me all of five seconds to respond with her Lori's name. We've talked about her a lot. Her amazing daugther, Ali, died of cancer last March. She's packed up and started a new life for herself in Grand Rapids and lives with a pretty dang cool roommate, her oldest daugter Megan who is a freshman in college. She dates this really cool and sexy famous photographer dude. He reminds me of Richard Gere in the movie Pretty Woman. It is one of my secret goals in life to get close enough to really smell him.

Sandi or Sleak = My grandma who lives in Florida. She does not look like a grandma. She does not act like a typical grandma. Don't picture her baking cookies in her apron. She looks a little like Mrs. Clarke (the art teacher). Picture Mrs. Clarke with a golf club in one hand and a beer in the other....That's my grandma.

Schmanny = Danielle Lugbill Black. Her husband is Pastor Karl. This is the family I lived with for four years. They make regular appearances in this story, as do their kids Brady, Kole, and Owen, I'm not even going to end that sentence in a period. I'm just leaving the comma because there is a large chance we could add a fourth name to that list before I post this blog (Don't start spreading rumors there is a fourth Black kid on the way....I'm only joking about her fertility). Sometimes Danielle stops in school (she's a Memorial grad and brings the kids for the morning daycare program) and then I have to listen to eight million boys talk about how hot she is and how much she does not look like a mom.

Snoop Dogg = Jeremy Lugbill. Danielle's little brother, who is like a brother to me. He went to Concord High School, won over a whole bunch of girls with his good looks and athetlicism, took off for Azusa Pacific University on a football scholarship and left all the ladies in Indiana heartbroken -- except one. Despite a few long-distance hang-ups, some games, and a minor stint where playing poker with the boys took precidence, he stuck it out with his girlfriend since 8th grade, Kristin Conn. Now, they are getting married on a yacht in Newport, CA this summer.

Cary = Sometimes I think we were twins separated at birth save for the fact that we look nothing alike. She lives in Indy with her husband Dave. There is a good chance I will be staying with them a lot in the next few weeks. She hasn't been commenting much because she's super busy. In fact, in a little over a week she will graduate with her master's degree in school counseling! I'm so proud of her!

Patrice, Baker, and Colleen, and Kendall are also commenting a lot. I don't have to describe them to you because you guys already know them. Patrice is Mrs. Owens/Mrs. Weil. Colleen is Miss Jurkaites/Mrs. Shook (I have to use the slashes because I don't know what name you know them by....it also serves as a reminder that I am like the only person in our department who has not gotten married in the last year. I think I'm going to pull a Brittney Spears and elope just so that they have to throw me a shower and buy me a gift). Baker is Ms. Baker and Kendall is Ms. Kendall. I have the most awesome and supportive co-workers! There are some other amazing ones that I'll introduce if they ever start writing.

Okay... now we can add "Flash" to the list of teachers above. I wasn't sure if she wanted to remain anonymous, but it sounds like she's cool with having her identity revealed. "Flash" is none other than Mrs. (Caryn) Fish, math teacher at EMHS. We work pretty closely together because she also teaches the block and has a bunch of my everyday English kids in her everyday Pre-Algebra class. (What that means is they whine to her about how mean I am and whine to me about how mean she is and they think we won't rat out specific names of whiners, but they have no clue what we talk about on prep period). Also, she was Corlissa's math teacher last year. When things got tough for Ru, Mrs. Fish commented, "You know, I've been thinking. I would take her, but we live in Michigan on a farm and she'd be miserable there" (that is a not an exact quote, but the sentiment is the same). At that point, I was still deliberating about what to do. I'm not sure if she knows it, but her comment kind of sealed the deal. I definitely sensed something different in Corlissa, but I've been wrong before and I was surely scared that I could do this whole thing only to have it blow up in my face. Anyway, her comment basically signified to me that I wasn't wrong -- someone else sees this in her too. Suffice it to say, Ms. Fish and Ru have built a pretty great relationship and Mrs. Fish is one person that I know Corlisas knows has her back!

That should cover it for now. The list is not comprehensive -- I simply listed the people that might not be easy to identify by their blogspot name. Check back for additions to the list and remember....you're all VIPs to me!